Posts tagged cat blogs

Dear Diary,

Staring at the humans squinty eyed for long periods of time makes them nervous and sometimes, drop things. I managed to get a whole salmon to myself using this technique.

Must recommend to all catkind.

Catness. 

Dear Humans,

I would like to say on behalf of all catkind, that when we take over the planet, we are not planning on eleminating your race. I cannot stress this enough, we are NOT going to kill you. We are not benevolent, but we do not believe in wasting good resources.

You will be our slaves.

Catness. 

Dear Diary,

Once again, I have been brought down from my human training position in the tree. I chose to climb higher this time. The female human brought me down. She was a little rougher than normal.

*sigh* I’m going to have to restart my training from the lowest branch again. Curses.

Catness.
 

Dear Diary,

Post starting to write this diary, I have realised that the dog always talks in caps lock. There is no middle path with him, honestly. He’s either completely silent or caps locking everywhere.

Maybe the Humans keep him around to make themselves feel smart?

Catness 

Dear Diary,

Today, the female human found naked female human pictures on the warm thing, again. She tends to scream a lot whenever she does that.

I don’t see what the problem is. I never wear clothes.

Catness 

Dear Diary,

The humans changed my food brand. I did not like it. So I put it in the dog’s bowl instead.

It is going to be a very interesting evening.

Catness 

Dear Diary,

I have arranged the house plants outside to spell “Help me escape!” Eventually, an airborne feline shall see it. If this does not work, then I shall learn morse code.

And yes, I can definitely learn morse code.

Catness 

Dear Diary,

My second captor has returned. The female human appears to be furious. I am furious too.

He shaved his beard off. How am I supposed to scratch my itches now?!

Catness. 

Dear Diary,

I tried to build my survival instincts today. I ate a house plant. It did not taste good.

I think I shall go throw up in the female human’s shoes.

Catness 

Dear Diary,

There was a tiny human in the house today. I am terrified. And hiding in the cupboard.

This is most undignified.

Catness